Daedalus

Math is fun:

When did cats replace monkeys as the worlds funniest animals? I rather like cats but I don't think I've seen mine ever do some of that crazy stuff ;) Bah, there is a pic of a cat sitting in a sharp corner of a room that I for some reason find hilarious but I cant find it...

I understand where you are coming from. But I had severe issues for years, I've only been on any form of medication (discounting headache shit) for 5 to 6 months. But don't think I don't wonder every single day if the chemical shit does a damn thing. I am, and always have been, kind of hesitant of any medication. But I do remember things that occurred over the years and do I really want to do that again? Nothing I am o now is permanent, it is only a temporary thing so they say... but whatever. Perspective is a wonderful thing though. Oh yes, any Scientologists around here?

Yeah I know how that is. I was found in the closet once or twice. Insert coming out of the closet joke here. Being crazy is just another way of being normal right? Oh and being in the fetal position rocking back and forth talking to yourself is better than running around threatening people with a butter knife unless they keep the sky from falling, right? It could be worse! I get sick of being asked over and over and over if I use drugs though. I have never touched anything and they still have to ask! Its something ridiculous like 90% of people diagnosed are heavey drug abusers. . . I may be a total fucking nut case, but just at times. I still manage to be entertaining and a sarcastic dick to people. School doesn't go so well but they actually give me notes to get out of work. Sweet deal if I didn't have to be a schizoid to get em. Edit: One thing that always baffles me is the ridiculous names they give shit. Can't they just call me crazy and be done with it? No, it has to be several words no one ever uses. The doctor has never even given me a name to call it, I just piece them together. It's not quite bipolar, its not quite schizophrenia, its not quite a hundred things. So I imagine the real disorder name would take a team of linguists to decipher. Constant problem in all of the sciences. That's why I'm in physics, no ridiculous nomenclature. Cheers!

I would tend to agree with that, specially the guessing. I also understand the points of view of everyone posting before with regard to over medication and whatnot. In my experience there is a VAST difference with what people see as "being blue" and what I have experienced. I can remember times in high school where I would simply feel upset, se la ve, move on. Since then things have changed. Of course I have to hold fast in my trust in my doctors, it has taken a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that things for the most part are fucked up in my head. I see people daily who "oh I feel sad give me a pill to fix it" and it makes me very distraught. I don't know, perhaps its the ego talking but there are a lot of thing people get more drugs for that are not a fraction as bad as what I have seen. As for guessing that is where I really end up trusting my doctor for the most part on blind faith. There is no blood test to say if my mind works or not. That fact alone is the single most frustrating aspect of the entire thing. I know there is something wrong when i spend hours screaming at myself in my room alone wanting the voices to shut the fuck up. I will remember the first time my roommate walked in on me with my head gripped in my hands as tight as i could manage screaming in argument with myself. It took some getting used to. That doesn't happen so much recently, thank goodness. As a whole I think everything is over medicated in our society. From a simple cold to anything you can envision. The worrying fact I see, and what kept me away form the doctor far too long, is that medication for the most part is seen very negatively because most think it should not be needed or is used too much. This keeps an awful lot of people away from the doctor, sure most of them don't need a thing but there are a lot of people that die because they fell in the small minority that did need something. Sadly there are a lot of trigger happy doctors who throw it on too early which does not help the stigma. I wish psychiatrists would be less quick to throw meds at things but I am very happy that they did start me on things. I like my doctor as it took quite a while for her to even think about meds, I think she does a good job for a lot of people and there should be more like her. But that is besides the point. I am rambling, to be honest my head isn't working well today, take that as you want. My point is simply that feel free to dislike the idea of medication, but try to remember that a lot of people truly do need them. It is very reasonable to want to cut the number that use them down, but try not to stigmatize the entire group. It does after all make me feel sub par. I very often wonder if I should just stop taking everything I have right now. The one time I chose to skip my meds was the worst day of my life and details are not needed. Yet I still find myself hating the fact I take them. . . for some reason it makes me feel weak, I wonder if its the pills fucking with my head. . . ah well. Of course you don't have to listen to me, I am rather insane ;) edit: After reading Beth's post a few times I agree more with her. I can recall feeling as if the counselors were tying to convince me I was nuts. In fact I stopped seeking doctoral help because of that at first. Perhaps I am a rare case, but after a while I did go back. I had a few anxiety attacks that ended me up in the ER, a couple moments where my head started to talk to me and I figured that it wasn't a good thing. I would repeatedly tell my best friends that I hate them, that they are plotting to ditch me behind my back and that I'd be better off without them. Minus a few friends later it was back to the doctor. I am not sure why I bother to outline my own experience, it is simply all I know of the subject. But the day before I started medication after 3 months of cognitive therapy I was at a party where I told my best friend I hate her, said I was going to kill myself, and ran out the door. I don't need to tell you how well that went over.... ah memories. Its funny looking back. I can recall several times where I don't recognize the man in my own memories. It must be someone else sitting in the closet arguing with an unseen presence in the back of his head. It is a remarkable and often painful thing to think back with a relatively clear head those moments. OK, I'm done talking for now... I had a day where my mind wouldn't let me do much so rambling helps he sort it out. really, I'm done now.

Heh, effexor was the first med I tried. It did not go over so well, made me very agitated, jittery, and just plain nuts.

I remember years ago the boy scouts speaking out against Ritalin as it "keeps boys from being boys". I always found that humorous. I'll be honest, when the doc mentioned it the first thing that came to my mind was the episode of the Simpson where Bart shoots down the MLB satellite. I hope I don't start thinking major sports leagues are spying on me, although they may well be.

I happen to be lucky in that here at school I have a psychiatrist who is great, and a physician who specializes in counseling and cognitive therapy. Unfortunate for me is cognitive therapy doesn't do shit all if my mood changes at the drop of a hat so I have to see the psychiatrist often to adjust and work out a medication plan. It took a lot of work to find something that helped at all. Just got back from the doctor and I'm now on a stimulant to keep me from passing out or not getting out of bed in the morning. Woot! Where I fully agree that medication is not always the answer, and am a strong supporter of therapy fist medication second it is unfortunate that a lot of people have a very ridiculous stigma towards medication. I recieved therapy for several months before I went on any drugs and I cant imagine where I'd be without the medication and support of my doctors and friends. I currently take 5 different medications a day, while that might seem like a lot the amazing thing with todays medicine is how fine tuned the medications are. Where 20 years ago they would throw one pill that would be like a shotgun blast at what was wrong today each symptom is for the most part targeted specifically. I have no problems openly talking about it with others. To me it is no different than having diabetes; it is simply a different chemical(s) that is out of balance. The whole science of it is fascinating. I take Trileptal to decrease the over active portions of my brain to ideally dream less and sleep more while at the same time allowing my mind to heal, Serequel to reduce 'egodistonic' thoughts and psychotic breakdowns, Welbutrin to improve my mood, Atenolol to reduce the occurance of migraines, and ritalin/dexedrine to ideally allow me to function in school and not be dead tired all the time. If anyone finds themselves taking medication what i recommend is not to just take your doctors word for it, look it up and know exactly what the thing is for. You can refuse to take something, it is surely your right. While I know I will have several bouts of deep depression and activity at times that is mad it is comforting and helpful to talk to people and help is also very welcome for a medical practitioner. The thing I welcome most about the whole issue being more main stream and understood is that perhaps people that are suffering alone will realize that they can go to a doctor to get help if they want to. I'm sure I'll have more to say later. Cheers

The happy thing is nice, I don't get it often though. Unfortunately I don't take well to anti anxiety or anti depression meds. But the crap they have me on now seems to help a bit. Also go go Google add bot!

I almost died at the ghost buster Jesus.... Bravo.

I have ridiculously vivid dreams every single night. Lets see. The other night the town where i grew up was being attacked by a lego robot. The robot seemed evil but always made jokes for some reason. Every time it destroyed something everything would go back to the way it was and the robot would come back but be a slightly different size and shape. After about 20 resets I woke up just as I was, I assume, being stepped on by the latest recreation of the thing. This morning I kept drifting in and out of sleep, but in my dream i was in my bed as well. I must have woken up 9 times and fallen back to sleep every time to dream about being in my bed. I could not tell which was the dream and which was real after a while. Every time i was dreaming something weird happened. Once i would see the little dot in front of me and I thought i was hallucinating. Another time my arms were invisible, but only my arms. Another time my door kept opening and closing on its own. The entire thing was really creepy actually. Thats enough for now. Cheers

When Matt talks about his bipolar disorder it often gets me thinking. I don't have bipolar; they say I have major atypical psychotic depression but it's all semantics. I've known something was wrong with me my entire adult life, and a lot of my latter teen years. Just recently did I seek out treatment, now they have me on a stew of chemicals every day. What I have means that I can feel good when good things happen but am hypersensitive to what people say, do, or what happens to me. I can become suicidally depressed at the most mundane things which can last for days. I can become psychotic and totally lose myself for hours for no apparent reason although that seems to be getting better because of the serequel. It is tiresome. Reading week just ended and midterms of my final year are upon me and its a tough time for me. I often find my condition gets far worse in times of stress. I could go on about my self but to be truthful being "insane" really is something one has to experience for themselves to fully understand, and even then its fucking confusing as hell. The point of this post is for the most part to get other peoples take on it. I'm curious to know what you all think about the whole issue, mental illness is just starting to become mainstream and recognized as a medical and treatable thing to the general public. To be truthful I find myself feeling really alone tonight as I often do. From the years of trolling around these boards I have developed a certain familiarity with the people here, even though I rarely find myself posting anymore I am here every day. Feel free to ridicule, share your stories, points of view or whatever. I remember the post about medications where many people here were on one thing or another, so I know I'm not alone in this! It seems an "open discussion" enough topic. Cheers

You're dreaming ;) At any rate I imagine that if the label doesn't go for it (i don't see why they wouldn't though as they did release the 3 CD 'in a coma') that he'd just put them up on his site for download ala blog player he sometimes uses to tease us with sound-bytes. Of course the bandwidth would cost a pretty penny so there would probably have to be some sort of payment if he wants to have them up for an extended time but I really have no idea how much it costs to host media files. I am well aware that I am dreaming. Well as long as you know. It is for sure a wonderful dream :angry:

You're dreaming ;) At any rate I imagine that if the label doesn't go for it (i don't see why they wouldn't though as they did release the 3 CD 'in a coma') that he'd just put them up on his site for download ala blog player he sometimes uses to tease us with sound-bytes. Of course the bandwidth would cost a pretty penny so there would probably have to be some sort of payment if he wants to have them up for an extended time but I really have no idea how much it costs to host media files.

My doctor had me on Effexor for only a week and a half before she stopped it. Had some rather miserable mood swings because of it. Have an atypical depression or some such, it is relieving to be told what is wrong now though, as for a while my physician would spout everything from bipolar to severe anxiety. At any rate, no more antidepressants for me. Its on to the mood stabilizer Trileptal, which is a yellow pill, close enough to pink.

My Effexor were in pink capsules(more salmon colour really). I was very pleased when I could go around telling people that the pink pills were for my sanity. Mind you I was taken off last week for various mental complications. . . turns out I'm probably bipolar, whooopy, its far worse than general depression/anxiety so I'm told but at the moment I'm on something called celexa which is a far more boring white pill. At any rate, pharmaceuticals are fun and I'm glad we all know so much about them here as i have nothing more to add to the conversation at this time.

Well, i feel bad for the man. I myself have an anxiety disorder that I am currently recieving treatment for. It can be a totally debilitating thing at times. Once you have an anxiety attack you never want to have another one and its not something one can easily describe other than its bad. Having shitty things happen in you life certainly doesnt help the situation. I obviously have no idea to the cause of Matt's "breakdowns", just speaking from personal experience. But I will admit, it can produce some very interesting art as I have also found from personal experience.

A few songs from the "History teacher cd" era could be counted as romantic. "As long as you're mine" stands out for sure as a romantic song. "Coming out purple" is kind of a funny romantic. I'm sure there are others in that set one could call romantic but none stick out as such to me at the moment as most are pretty depressing if you listen to them carefully enough ;).

You better have a blast Anton. I'm sure we all expect many a news and picture of the event. Rather innovative thing to do, darn this thing called distance that keeps me so far away ;)

Wasn't it this question a long while back that Toadman created his avatar for? ;) Seriously though, the Q&A should be updated, renamed FAQ and put a big old link to it somewhere.

Posted on matt's site that the shows on the 18th and 19th will be missed as he has taken ill again. Hopefully he gets better and the shows are made up when you folks can make it to them. Best to call the venues promptly to make sure I suppose.

Matt has posted on his site that he is sick again and both the shows on the 18th and 19th will be missed and hopefully reschedualed . . ..

I hope they don't, only because nothing would make me happier than to see Crawford fired forever. That man has no right being a coach anywhere. Yes, I am still bitter about his shootout "choices" in '98. Very bitter. However, I don't think at this point they are going to pull it out. After that loss to SJ things are looking bleak.

Congrats!! They make sure everyone fails at least once, money money . . . I managed to get my G2 first try, but failed my first G attempt for not looking both ways at a green light . . .

Yeah, just got an e-mail from ticketmaster ;). Its too bad, I was looking forward to getting to see it :angry:.